There is no doubt that one of the worst things a leader can be called is a wishy-washy flip-flopper. So isn’t it ironic that most of the people doing the name-calling haven’t declared their own values or definitively told their employees or customers what they stand for or believe in? Too busy bending the rules or chasing an elusive dream of having everyone like them, they fail to live their lives with conviction. Holding others to a high standard, they themselves are unremarkable.

Your core values are integral to your brand’s qualities. Knowing what’s essential to your soul will help you draw the line.

Successful corporate brands are built on core values and they constantly reinforce those values. They’ll illustrate their values in their logo; they’ll recite their values in their taglines; they’ll promote their values in their public relations efforts.

Just like corporate brands, effective business leaders sculpt their personal brands by the values they hold dear. What words speak of your personal value system, that metronome for personal behavior—what you stand for, what you want to live up to, what you consider most important to your inner life and well-being?

Quaker Oats products want you to know that they stand for old-fashioned, homespun American goodness. Their logo uses that familiar, friendly-looking Pilgrim to personify those values. Everybody knows that Nike is a synonym for an active lifestyle. Whole Foods, announced not long ago that its own line of 365 food products would never contain GMOs. It wants its customers to know where its values lie. Volvo values safety above all, and advertises itself that way.

My values have to do with empowerment, safety, integrity, and love. I feel the absolute best when these four values are operating in my life. I think I’m less than complete when any of them are compromised. I want to stand for these things and be known for them, and so I build these values into my personal brand.

Words that may help you identify what’s deeply meaningful in your life could include authenticity, generosity, honesty, success, kindness, loyalty, connection, courage, risk taking, inspiration, wisdom, contentment, knowledge, wealth, security, adventure, justice, freedom, optimism, spirituality and commitment.

Of these, what do you consider to be your core values, that is, the three or four most meaningful to you? Which values do you live by? Which would you defend with your dying breath? Core values are also “essential.” That is you feel you couldn’t live without them. And they are “universal,” which means that they apply in all circumstances for you, all the time.

Now ask yourself these two questions: How do I act out my core values every day? And how do I deny my value system?

For example, love is one of my core values. One of the ways I act out that value in my daily life is through my work, which I love; with my husband, whom I adore; and toward myself, by eating right and working out and keeping healthy. I would be denying these values if I began to take what’s so precious to me for granted, got sloppy with my work, ignore my husband, or stop taking care of myself. Another of my core values is empowerment, and I act that out by cheerleading my clients and giving myself no limits to meeting my potential. I would be denying this value if I became a hermit, or if I began to act as if there was something more important than being the best human being I can be.

To be seen as a strong leader, one that stands for his or her beliefs and has a voice that is heard clearly and rings true, you must declare your core values and work everyday not to compromise them. That’s because if all is gone tomorrow – if you left your job – shuttered your business or got let go – you’d still know who you are. You’d have your core. You’d have value.

Core values define who you are. If you don’t stand up for what you believe in, you won’t stand a chance.

When I lived in Los Angeles I knew a lot of people who led double lives. By day they wait on your table, pick-up your dry cleaning (and sometimes your kids), answer phones, lick envelops and make you a latte just the way you like it. At night, they do stand-up at a local comedy club or sing at open mic night at a funky little bar. They pursue their dreams by going to auditions, knitting high fashion baby clothes, putting together awesome gift baskets for pets or designing greeting cards. Every one of these talented souls has a dream and they make ends meet while waiting for the world to notice. 

Building a personal brand requires a concept, contacts and capitol – meaning that you do what you have to do so you can do what you want to do.

Maybe you don’t live in LA, but you live a double life nonetheless. Perhaps you’re like my friend Vivian, who is a vice president of marketing at a film company, but her real passion is in writing and selling plays. Vivian’s dream is to see one of her plays produced on a Broadway stage. And she does more than just dream it. She gets up early every day, goes in to work, and from seven to nine every morning, she is a playwright. She’s been learning and polishing her craft, keeping her dream alive, speaking about it to friends and colleagues, and writing and producing plays in local theaters. She’s been manifesting her dream.

Vivien could go anywhere in business. She’s the best, and like cream, she would just naturally rise to the top. But her real true objective is to write for the stage. Why not give up the nine-to-five routine and go all out for writing? Because she’s a single mom whose greatest passion of all is her five-year-old son, and whose personal mission is to provide a safe and nurturing environment for him. So she does her best in business, but she doesn’t let her dream diminish. She moves laterally instead of up the ladder at work, and in this way she preserves her priorities.

There are lots of people leading double lives to this degree – they love singing with their band but have mouths to feed or other responsibilities, so they work at a record company by day and sing in a local club at night. Or they work tirelessly at an accounting firm to save up enough money to start their own business management practice. Or they quietly pursue an education course at night — all in pursuit of reinventing themselves. They know it’s up to them to set their dreams in motion.

The big question is should you lead a double life or just chuck your day job and pursue your dream full time? To find the answer, record everything you want from your career.

• What do you want financially, what do you want materially?

• What does “living well” looks like to you?

• What do you want emotionally?

• What would you really, truly like to be doing with your life?

Forget about your current career for a minute. Dare to have dreams. And then dare to let them come true — even if it means living a double life like my friend Vivien does.

Taking the leap to pursue your dream full time is all about measuring risk vs. responsibility. If you give up your day job, you will be able to laser focus on what you want. However, what you want has to make you money. Before I left my corporate job and started my own ad agency, I wrote a business plan, secured a major client and cashed in my company stock. I had a net so I wouldn’t fall on my face.

If you are standing on both sides of the fence, my best advice is to do everything you can to closely link your dream job with your day job so that your energy isn’t depleted into two totally different directions. If your dream is to be a fine art painter – then work in a gallery, volunteer for major art events and paint houses if you have to, but don’t do something that will diminish your self-esteem or eat away at your soul.

Everyday is a chance to pull your dream closer to you. Choose work that speaks to your personal brand in a way that’s authentic, clear and consistent.

What will it take to make your dreams come true?

Last week, I was guiding a bio-medical company toward unearthing the soul of their brand –when suddenly the CEO realized that his company wasn’t in the pain relief business – it was actually in the patient empowerment business. This aha moment led us down a path to expansion that previously was unimagined.

I’m sure that when Coke grasped that they were in the happiness business a major opening occurred. The same is probably true for American Express who sees itself as more than a credit card service, but a club where members receive desirable rewards. Similarly, Southwest’s competitive advantage lies in its realization that it’s not in the travel business, but in the customer service business.

If I had limiting beliefs for my own company – thinking that it was merely an advertising agency or branding firm, we would have died a long time ago. Knowing that we were in the potential fulfillment business gave us our true purpose – a deeper meaning that makes what we do relevant in any economy and for any type of client.

Whether you are in charge of a corporate brand, small business brand or your own career’s brand, you must look underneath your product or service and find its soul.

To figure out what business you are really in, follow these three steps:

Step One: Gather Some Insights

Contact ten clients or key influencers and ask them why they buy from you and/or like to do business with you. What is it about the product or service that you deliver that sets you apart from the rest?

Step Two: Make A List Of Top Brands

Look at your research findings and think of major brands that you admire that share these same qualities. Write down five of those brands and what business they are in.

Step Three: Look Deeply Into What You Do

Great brands have meaning beyond their names that create emotional connections. Knowing this, look at what you do with fresh eyes, redefine what business you are in and adjust the way you compete accordingly.

Let’s say you own a chain of successful bakeries. Knowing that you are in the comfort business, how will you cater to your customer’s need to feel comfortable? If you have a coaching practice and you now realize that you are in the high performance business, how will you make your clients accountable? If you are the head of human resources at a major corporation and you realize that you are in the sensitivity business, what steps will you take to understand and inspire your employees?

Taking the time to understand what business you are really in will expand your vision and at the same time sharpen your brand’s focus.

Your boss thinks he’s the smartest guy in the room. You think he’s an idiot. Your assistant boldly asks for a promotion. You think she’s got miles to go before she can move up. Your client feels he’s right not to change his advertising strategy. You think he just doesn’t understand today’s market. We all make judgments about the people we work with based on our own perceptions, but how many of us stop to realize that we are also being judged? 

The truth is, if you don’t brand yourself, someone else will and they probably already have and chances are they’ve gotten it wrong.

To be a brand is to have meaning beyond your name. Like how Coke gives the feeling of refreshment, Disney a sense of trust, Target delivers cheap chic, Nike advocates the active lifestyle, and Campbell’s provides comfort. It’s an emotional connection that goes beyond the product or service.

So, what are people saying about your brand? What is the meaning beyond your name? Does that meaning have relevance now? Does your target audience know that you matter in this economy? Can they define the feeling of working with you in a word or phrase? If so, is it how you want to be thought of and valued?

Look, no one knows what’s special about you better than you do. So, don’t squander it… focus on it! Create a solid brand for yourself by planting your flag in the ground and declaring who you are and what you’re good at. It’s time to take responsibility for your reputation, so that you can get your swagger back and stop feeling so unsteady about your longevity in business.

So try to imagine what words come to mind when people say your name. What do people feel when they see you? If you can’t answer this question easily, join the club. How can you ever know what someone else is thinking, anyway? And after all, how objective can you really be about yourself?

The truth is you can know what people are thinking about you by crafting powerful messages that shine a light on your talents and unique attributes. The truthful story that you tell about yourself is what others will believe. Without that story, they’ll make up their own.

I’m not talking about mind control exactly, but branding is about having a strong influence over how you’re perceived. Look how the best brands bombard us on a daily basis with in-your-face advertising designed to influence how we think and feel about their products.

The process of creating an authentic personal brand is for those who are committed to being positively unforgettable in business. It’s for those who inherently know that they are here for a reason and want to fearlessly reach their highest potential by living with true purpose. It’s for anyone who is tired of being the best kept secret and is ready to step into the spotlight to be seen as the extraordinary professional they are, and get paid accordingly.

Becoming an unforgettable brand doesn’t just happen by deciding it’s a good idea. There’s a lot of work to do… it’s a process… and beginning with this blog post, I will give you the secrets of building a personal brand that will differentiate you from the pack.

So why should you bother reading what I have to say week after week? Here’s why: To know who you are and be valued for it, to attract what you want, to create demand for your talents, to walk your path with integrity, to distinguish yourself in your chosen field, and make more money doing what you love.

I believe in miracles and destiny, but in the end we make our own reality. The strength of your personal brand begins and ends with you.

I’m passionate about television. I have been since I was a little girl. When I was five years old our house caught on fire, and when my mother came in my room to rescue me, I rescued my little white portable Sony TV. I didn’t have a favorite doll that I lavished love on. I adored my Sony instead. 

Suze Orman, who wrote 9 Steps to Financial Freedom, tells a poignant story about a death-defying act that taught her the importance of money more vividly than any lesson. She was also a small child when her father’s store caught fire, and he ran into his burning building to save the cash register, and carried it out, burning hot, in his bare arms. My devotion to my TV and its importance in my life felt like that.

Our house practically burned to the ground in our fire, and not very long after that my mom and dad split and I became a latchkey kid. Until my dad came home from work at night, it was pretty much the TV that kept me company. I tuned in to laugh, learn, and feel safe.

When I grew up, I became a television marketing executive and for the past 20 years I have run a brand marketing firm that launches television shows and reinvents television networks. Sony is one of my most valued clients.

Out of the ashes of that fire, my true destiny was determined.

What really makes you happy? What do you love to do? Who you are can be inferred from the things that interest you most. For instance, my client Werner Berger values courage. His passion is mountain climbing and it has propelled him to become the oldest person in the world to climb the highest peaks on all seven continents.

I think of values as having more inner significance, and passions as being more “of the world.” For instance, one of my passions is cooking, which I can’t claim to be something I value as much as I value love, but cooking does say something about my desire to nurture the people I love, and is therefore a valuable clue to who I am.

Thousands of events, as big as a house fire, as small as a latchkey, go into forming who we are and what’s important to us.

Over the past week, we’ve all read and heard about the devastating fires near Denver, Colorado that torched 4,000 acres and forced people to make difficult decisions about what to take with them as they evacuated their homes.

Whether you’re burned out or fired up at work, take a moment to think about what you’d rescue from your home if it were threatened by fire. Beyond your life partner, kids and pets, make a record of those things you love most and just couldn’t part with. It doesn’t matter how many items you list.

This little assignment isn’t designed to change who you are. It’s about becoming self-aware and honest with yourself. It requires no judgments, just observation. But if you don’t like what you see, it’s within your power to make changes.

Your passions may be buried beneath a pile of work and responsibilities. Just for today, set them aside and dig deep to find the real you.

When I was at Turner Broadcasting, I would have lunch with the heads of each network on a monthly basis. Although they were presidents and I was just a director, they were interested in how I was leveraging the local power of our affiliates to increase ratings.

The lunches were productive, fun and lively, something to look forward to. I gained insight on what was important to them and supported their goals with my marketing programs. 

At one lunch I asked CNN’s president, ‘‘what do you think your audience isn’t ‘getting’ about your network that they should know?’’ He answered, “That we break news first.” From there, I came up with a strategy to send 30-second “CNN Hot Spots” FEDEX to affiliates when the network was first to cover a big story.

Today, I zero in on what is uniquely important to my clients. During a recent branding workshop with a bio medical company, I ask the owner, ‘‘what aren’t doctors understanding about your products?’’ Questions like this are what your clients and/or bosses want to hear. It means you’re taking a keen interest in their agenda, product, and future.

Championing the vision of company leaders is a personal brand builder.

Many roads lead to the top. Befriending the head of the company or department and becoming a fan of his or her vision is the quickest route. It’s not about brown nosing or trying to be the teacher’s pet. It’s about being seen as integral to the company and its success.

Step One: Find Common Interests

To make a real connection, you first have to tune in to what interests the top decision-maker at the place you’re working or business you are serving.

Step Two: Get Involved. Be Useful.

Take a 180-degree turn and stand in their shoes. What are his or her pet projects? What does he or she really want? What can you do to help?

Step Three: Demonstrate Enthusiasm

Focused interest and enthusiasm works to create an unbreakable bond between you and the person who can most influence where you go in the company.

Step Four: Sell Your Ideas

“When presenting ideas to decision-makers, realize that it is your responsibility to sell, not their responsibility to buy,” says Marshall Goldsmith.

Step Five: Focus On Making A Difference

Always look to the greater good as a guide, not your own personal agenda. Don’t try to “win” or “be right.” Your suggestions should help the overall health of the organization.

Creating a personal brand involves showing genuine interest, which radiates outward and engages others.

As a brand strategist, I often start my client relationship at the top of the company, but over time I work with marketing and sales executives to execute the strategy. To continue to receive direction from the top, I schedule meetings with their bosses around lunch, drinks, or dinner, and on a social, friendly basis ask about their goals and how things are going. I can then translate that intelligence into smart ideas that make my clients look like stars.

You may be shaking your head thinking that you could never get or don’t even deserve a seat at the table. If so, it’s critical to believe in yourself and to know that your contributions are valuable. Cultivating this kind of confidence from deep inside of you will spur you forward.

Showing that you are a fan means becoming your own fan, first. It requires that you stay positive, find solutions, dedicate yourself to the endgame, and not give up when things get tough. Celebrate all the victories (big and small) and you’ll find your inner fan to cheerlead your own success and the success of those around you.

Be a fan of your own personal brand and it will become easier to cheerlead those at the top.

There’s really no substitute for healthy self-esteem, but many of us try to find it outside of ourselves. Instead of doing good work for our own satisfaction, we do it for the approval of others. 

If you had to perform as a child to get positive attention or the love you craved, more than likely you have cast yourself in that role as an adult. The good news is your desire to please may actually be working for you on many levels. Overachieving, perfectionism, and enabling can play well in the workplace. 80-hour-work-weeks often lead to bigger titles and more money. On the flip side, working that hard can also produce stress-related illnesses, divorce and alcoholism.

In his book, “Healing The Shame That Binds You,” John Bradshaw talks about high achievers who seek approval from a place of shame. For those of us who played the family hero growing up, we can end up becoming “human doings” instead of human beings — performing to overcompensate for bad feelings about ourselves. That’s codependent.

Codependency is defined as “a loss of personal identity in a process of painful external validation.” Below are different types of workplace scenarios charged with codependency:

Your Boss = Your Parent

During my first ten years in business, I would put my bosses in parental roles — looking for their approval and special handouts. If their reaction wasn’t what I expected, I’d feel unhappy and unfulfilled.

Validation By Client

Many of us in the service business are people pleasers without boundaries looking for recognition and praise. When we focus only on meeting our client’s needs we can sabotage our own.

The Work Husband or Wife

It can be a positive thing to find a co-worker of the opposite sex that will ride the corporate ladder with you. But often this is a one up/one down relationship where resentments can form easily.

Business Owners/Lovers

Not only have I worked with my husband, but I have also consulted with many couples caught in a struggle for control and power.  There’s often difficulty recognizing individual needs and wants while each spouse tries to convince the other of what they should think or feel.

Ask yourself: are you sacrificing yourself to boost your boss, client or co-worker?

If you’re in the habit of throwing out a life preserver to those that need to be rescued, I’m guessing that you’re exhausted!  That’s because codependency doesn’t work in the long run. You’ll eventually hit a wall.  To find out if you already have, answer these four questions honestly:

• Do I control others to relieve my fears?
• Do I let others control me for fear of their abuse or neglect?
• Do I adapt or change behavior for others?
• Do I validate my value and worth as a person through others?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, start to become aware of the underlying feelings you have when you are controlling, caretaking, fixing, rescuing, people pleasing or playing the victim or martyr. You’ll begin to realize that you may not be acting out these behaviors from a loving place, but a lonely place.

Lao-Tzu, the founder of Taoism once said, “If I keep from imposing on people, they become themselves.” It took me a long time to see the truth in this and when I did, it set me free and everyone else in my life.

What can you do today to become interdependent instead of codependent at work?

Last week I wrote about the internal dilemma of deciding when to say it, how to say it and when to just stuff it. But this week, I realized that we often foul things up because most of us have an underlying need to react to everything that comes across our desk or computer screen with immediacy. 

If you have a strong personal brand and you’re really putting yourself out there, then you’re exposing yourself to receiving emails, tweets and press that can push your buttons. You can choose to react defensively or use manipulation, intimidation, throw a few well-placed jabs, put on the “poor me” act, or respond by yelling in all caps “YOU JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND!”

Or you can decide to not react at all.

It takes a lot of discipline to react without emotion or to simply hit delete. Lately, I’ve been using one-liners like “You’re probably right” or “Gee, I never thought of it that way” or “I hear what you are saying.” My God it’s freeing to not play into someone’s hand or have to be the one that’s right.

We react out of judgment and out of fear when we should be taking a step back to consider the source and listen to our gut.

We live in a society that is fixated on pundits and politicians who react to our complicated times with anger and hate. “Let’s drop a bomb on them!” gets applause. “They should all be electrocuted!” gets cheers. When we should be giving airtime to people who embody kindness, love and peace — who think before they speak.

Every negative word you speak or write carries with it power and consequences.

Count how many times a day you react instead of giving a thoughtful, unemotional response. You may be surprised to find out you are in fact a nuclear reactor.

If that’s the case, next time you find yourself wanting to negatively respond to a situation or communication, just do the opposite of what you would normally do. Try sleeping on it. I think that you’ll find that there is power in silence.

It’s true that we are wired to reply, to respond to act. But if we do it foolishly or impetuously it can torpedo relationships and reputations. Isn’t it time you think before you react?

Last weekend, I ate Dim Sum in San Francisco with my brilliant 23-year-old nephew. He’s less than a year out of Northwestern with a sweet job as a software engineer at a top Internet Company. Over barbeque pork buns and shrimp dumplings I asked him to tell me his single biggest challenge of 2012. He was quick to say, “Knowing when to share my opinions and when to shut up.” Ah, yes. In that moment I knew he was kin to me in more ways than one. 

Not long ago, I led a workshop for two merging media companies. My job was to find a common language that would glue them together in a meaningful way. I opened the workshop by underscoring the importance of our gathering – noting the latest research – which proves that in the absence of a cohesive culture, mergers can become train wrecks.

The next day, I received a phone call from one of the workshop participants telling me that my use of the phrase “train wreck” was disturbing. A few months later, the new regime let her go. Nonetheless, I learned that my delivery could have been finessed.

The truth will set you free. Unless you open your mouth so much that people stop listening.

This is your career and if the company you are working for or the client that’s hired you is heading for a train wreck, it is your duty to let them know. However, the way you tell them is critical.

Get in the hot seat and tell your truth with passion using words and concepts that resonate. But remember to pick your battles carefully, know your audience’s pain and have a solution for it.

Make what you have to say a real benefit, not a threat. Deliver your idea without judgment of yourself or others.

Step up to the plate. Grasp the bat of clarity firmly, and calmly set your sights. Before you swing, look inside to make sure your motives are grounded. If your focus is about connecting in a genuine way, then your objective is for the greater good. However, if what you’re advocating involves a hidden agenda to gain power, prestige, or control over others, then you’ll strike out.

Be mindful of your expectations. People will be people, and each will have individual responses that need to be taken into consideration. After all, judgment is the social currency of our society. So be thoughtful and detached so that you are able to easily roll with the punches. The more you’re invested in specific outcomes, the greater your disappointment will be if they don’t work out as planned.

The big lesson here is to say what you need to say in a way that benefits your company or client. Make sure that you honor (not diminish) the people receiving your wisdom. If you are passionate about your ideas yet centered, you may be surprised by the impact you can make in the business world.

Pick your battles carefully and detach from the outcome. You’ll find yourself operating from your highest good.

Every great brand needs a squad of brand cheerleaders. This is why companies spend millions of dollars on public relations and social media firms, and entertainers hire agents and publicists—and career-conscious professionals look for mentors and coaches to help spread the word about their brands. In fact, we all need people whom we can talk to about serious things in all areas of living, not just work—friends and business people, with shared interests and understandings. I am fortunate to have a strong support team—a personal “board of directors” who build me up in spirit and in word and deed. They are critical to my brand’s success.

Last week I needed support and I was blessed to have my closest friends and biggest fans rally around me. (You know who you are). Their heartfelt understanding and sage counsel helped me manage and work through a tough situation.

If you’ve been too busy to take the time to recruit or spend time with your brand cheerleaders, I’m asking you to consider the importance of doing so now. These are hard times and no one can be successful alone.

It makes incredibly good sense to have a seasoned professional “on the payroll” to strategize with you on business moves and hash out your personal and professional concerns. At this point, having a business coach is more commonplace than having a therapist. And for good reason.

Anyone who is aware of their personal brand knows that they have to invest in themselves to succeed.

I have coaches in almost every area of my personal and professional life. Today, David Goldsmith gives me the keys to running an effective business. My first coach Mariette Edwards still supports me in holding the empowerment of professionals as my mission. She knew long ago that to live that mission I had to become a keynote speaker. Back then, the idea of public speaking frightened me to death, but her confidence in me helped me push through my fear. She was instrumental in arranging my very first “Make A Name For Yourself” workshop for a group of 100 women in the film industry. I told her I wasn’t ready, and she said, “I know you’re not ready now. But you have eight weeks.” This is exactly the kind of pressure that makes great leaders out of mere mortals.

For the personal brand creator, finding a source of wise advice and people who have faith in you is like finding an anchor in rough seas.

After facilitating that first “Make A Name For Yourself” workshop, I wrote my first book with the same title. To launch it, I invited 20 influential friends and clients to a high tea at the Bel Air Hotel in Beverly Hills. I gave each woman an autographed copy of my book wrapped in beautiful paper and toasted them all for inspiring me and supporting me while I wrote it. The result? They felt honored and told all their friends to buy my book.

It’s not just about recruiting a squad of brand cheerleaders. It’s also about rewarding them and keeping them loyal to your brand. Think about what kind of event you can create and who in your target audience you could invite – whether it’s in person or virtual, make sure it reflects your personal brand and your mission. Consistency, clarity and authenticity are the keystone of any great brand and when practiced fully will solidify support when you need it most.

Connecting with your brand cheerleaders is like accessing a power higher than yourself.